INJEWCON
For, Against Iraqi War
Jan. 10, 2003 — In a surprise manoeuvre, the International
Jewish Conspiracy has established two incompatible attitudes towards
the crisis in Iraq.
Members recently mobilized several million people to attend major
rallies worldwide calling for a peaceful solution to the Iraqi crisis,
while simultaneously using US and British government spokespeople
to seed unnecessary panic undermining the demonstrations’
effectiveness.
“Playing both sides can have benefits; the Americans armed
both the Iranians and Iraq’s Hussein during the Iran-Iraq
war, profiting from what might otherwise have been completely pointless
bloodshed,” explains Mayer Madox Meyer, Secretary to the Elders
of Zion and long-time Board of Strategy Cantor. “George Bush,
Sr., practically made a career of arming
Saddam Hussein, the Taliban and other terrorist organizations, as
did his grandfather, Prescott
Bush, and look at the benefits: actions against his family’s
former allies
are George Junior’s most popular activity, far surpassing
the undermining of abortion rights, the looting of the American
economy,
or the destruction of the American environment.
We call it the Noriega approach, and we think it’s admirably
effective.”
The Urban Planning Committee also arranged to have several subway
lines in New York diverted or closed, thereby further inconveniencing
demonstrators. (The Committee took advantage of the situation to
do some much-needed track repair on the L, N and R lines.) American
media were ordered not to highlight the marches, a goal they achieved
only with some difficulty as the rally was attended by many Hollywood
stars within the Conspiracy’s field of influence.
The exact reasons for INJEWCON’s bilateral actions cannot
be disclosed at this time, Meyer says. “The full report is
‘eyes only.’” When pressed for details, Meyer
admitted, “The meaning and origin of the term ‘eyes
only’ are also ‘eyes only.’ I’d like everyone
to remember, however, that we helped David Levy in Supplies move
an enormous amount of duct tape, and even some spray adhesive.”
Mr. Levy admitted that he had recently “over stocked”
and was grateful for the bailout. “I didn’t sell as
much as that Republican big-wig though.” |
Blackout
Fattens Membership
In addition to several cases of food poisoning that swamped New
York City emergency rooms, INJEWCON specialists have noted significant
weight gain among NY members as a result of binging on the contents
of their warming refrigerators during this week-end’s blackout.
more>
Armed
Forces Admit Error
US Administrators in Iraq have admitted that they misunderstood
a Department of State memo calling for "a more polished Administration."
more>
INJEWCON
Lowers US Taxes
Two Members to Benefit.
more>
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